The old cliché says “Many truths are said in jest.” Sometimes the truth is just plain funny. There is no better form of entertainment than truth that just seems too funny to be real. And there is no greater tribute to a fine joke (or funny bit of truth) than repeating it for the further enjoyment of others.
While visiting my niece and her husband during the holiday break, in conversation he revealed that two of the vocational teachers in his high school were named Mr. Hogg and Mr. Butcher. As proof, he pulled out his sophomore yearbook and showed me their pictures.
Sometime ago I received an email with the subject line “They Live Among Us.” When I receive something in an email that really “toggles my switch”, I save it for you, Dear Reader, either to inspire an article or to share with you. In the remainder of this article, I will share with you those tidbits about things that people have said and done that are so funny only because they are reputed to be true.
Example One. A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a highly prominent senator happened to appear. (I leave out the names so as not to embarrass further the posterity of any public official.) The senator took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” he asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?” asked the senator.
“Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’''
The senator thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.”
Perhaps it is noteworthy at this point to insert a couple of quotes attributed to Will Rogers: “There ought to be one day—just one—when there is open season on senators.” He also said, “I don't make jokes. I just watch the Government and report the facts!”
Louisiana State Senator John Kennedy was reputed to have once said, “I believe you can’t fix stupid, but you can vote them out of office.”
Example Two. An airline passenger couldn't find his luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office to report the loss. The woman there smiled and told him not to worry because she was a trained professional and that he was in good hands.
She then proceeded to ask, “Now, has your plane arrived yet?” (Have you ever worked with anyone like this?)
Example Three. A man reported that his sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car's trunk.
Sister stories can be the absolute best! At the onset of the “pandemic”, a gentleman’s sister decided to make sure her newspaper was not contaminated from outside sources by placing it in the microwave for about a minute. Good thing the smoke detectors were working that day!
The same man was once talking to another sister on the phone. She seemed to be getting further and further away. It turns out that she was talking with the phone upside down.
Yet another of the man’s sisters was practicing the piano when she was a child. Her pet parakeet was sitting in a cage on top of the upright instrument. Her practicing must have been bad, for when she finished she noticed the bird had died!
Example Four. A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
Example Five. While looking at a house, a man asked the Real Estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
The realtor asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” The man explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time.
The realtor shook her head and said, “Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff.”
Example Six. One day a man walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, “Look at that dead bird!”
Someone looked up at the sky and said, “Where?”
Example Seven. A lady told her physical therapist that she broke her arm in two places. He told her to stop going to those places.
It has been said that one is born every minute? “One what?” you might ask. Consider the examples above. “They” really do walk among us. Lots of them! Here’s the great secret—Sometimes they are us!!!!!!!
Many of us vote, and lots of us bear offspring!
I leave you with the immortal words of Forrest Gump: “Stupid is as stupid does.”
Can that be fixed?

ANSWER TO QUESTION OF THE WEEK # 46
What is the problem with political jokes? (ANSWER: Too many of them get elected.)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK # 47
What was wrong with the comedian’s roof joke? (See next week’s article in historicunioncounty.com for the answer.)