Divorce is a difficult and painful process for most people, even if they are able to get along. It is very hard for the children involved. Parents going through a divorce want to do the right things for their children. Sometimes they are so hurt and so busy with the legal details of the divorce that they are not aware of how the divorce is affecting their children.

In Tennessee, the law requires divorcing parents with minor children to take at least four hours of classes about parenting through divorce. The purpose of the classes is to help parents understand that, when it is safe, both parents need to spend time with their children after divorce. Also, parents need to work together to plan for their children’s care after the divorce.

The University of Tennessee Extension offers a class called Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting that helps parents understand the impact of divorce on their children. They also learn ways to help their children through the process. Extension Family and Consumer Sciences Agents teach the classes using discussion, videos, booklets, and handouts. These teachers get training every year about issues related to children and divorce.

More than 25,000 people have gone through the Extension classes across the state since January 2001. More than 90 percent of participants said the classes were worthwhile and that they would recommend them to other parents. Many said they think all parents should take the classes. Others say that a class like this should be required before people get married or have children. Comments from class members included statements such as, “It was eye-opening,” and “By watching the tapes and reading the materials, I was able to see myself in both the DOs and DON’Ts of parenting.”

Most parents leave the classes feeling better than when they came. One parent said, “I was headstrong against this class, feeling it was useless, but after the class I was glad it is mandatory. It has already been helpful.” Another parent said, “The class made me even more aware of how the divorce affects the children and how to handle talking and communication with them. Also helps me communicate better with the other parent; and I believe the class did wonders for my ex!”

People who completed the classes reported that they are less likely to put their children in the middle of their conflicts. They reported decreases in the following behaviors:

-talking to others about the parent when angry at the other parent,
-sending messages through the children,
-insulting the other parent in front of the children,
-asking the child about the other parent,
-asking the child to take sides,
-arguing in front of the children,
-complaining to the other parent in front of the children,
-yelling in front of the children, and
-fighting in front of the children.

The Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting class appears to have helped divorcing parents to focus on their children’s needs as they have gone through divorce. If you would like more information about these classes, please contact Alyshia Victoria at the Union County Extension Office (865) 992-8038. The classes are offered the last Monday of every month from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.