I read a recent article that celebrated the health benefits of squatting and said that we should be doing this regularly (as opposed to spending all our time sitting or standing, I guess). I was offended by this outlandish disregard for the heritage and history of a good portion of the population, not to mention the language.

Where I come from, people don’t squat. They hunker down. Allow me to illustrate the distinction:

“Why don't we hunker down over here, Leroy, and let’s you and me talk about this.” That’s how you do it. “Why don't we squat over here” doesn’t have the same ring to it. No sir, it doesn’t.

“Boys, it’s time to hunker down and get to it.”

“If you’ll hunker down behind this round bale, that old tom won’t see you until it’s too late.”

“Would you look at those two good ole boys hunkered down there by that fencerow? Reckon what they’re talking about?”

If you replace “hunker down” with “squat” in any of the above examples, you will see what I mean. “Hunker down” is right. It’s better. It’s practically poetry. “Squat” is low class and even a little creepy. No comparison. Besides, squatting makes me think of hand dug latrines on one of our camping trips or of toilets in foreign countries and all that’s kind of a private thing.

I know that if enough time goes by, say fifteen or twenty minutes, there will be another study claiming squatting is much less effective for improving health than, maybe, lunging. But I don’t much care. I prefer to hunker down, and as long as my knees will cooperate, that’s what I plan to continue doing.

Jim Hartsell is a member of the Authors Guild of Tennessee and the author of the Boone series, set in a county just outside Knoxville, Tennessee. You can read about it, order it, or listen as Jim reads the first book in the series, “Pushing Back,” on his podcast. All that can be found on his website, housemountainviews.com.