The church of which I am currently a member put out a magnet a few years ago with the church’s logo and this catchphrase: Loveland—Where Everybody is Somebody.
I thought this a comforting sentiment. Church should be the one place that everyone feels like someone, no “big ‘I’s or little ‘you’s’”. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
When one of my dearest friends passed away several years ago, his mother told me that when he was a youth in church that the other members of the youth group would stack hymn books and Bibles around them so that he would not have a place to sit with them when he came down from the choir. Perhaps that in part helped explain why my friend was always somewhat backward and shy.
Surely at some point we have all experienced rejection. My father once said in my presence, “Ronnie was the ugliest of all my kids.” I suppose he saw a certain look in my eyes or on my face that caused him to add, “But he’s growing out of it.” The irony of Dad’s statement is that practically everyone who knew Dad said I looked just like him! Ha, ha, Dad, that joke was on you!
A niece of mine once told me that one of her classmates, a little fellow that my mother used to babysit, told her that I was the biggest dork he’d ever met. Fascinating! This kid told that to my niece when they were in high school, and I had not seen the kid since he was in kindergarten. I’m happy for him that he met his biggest dork so early in life.
There were other occasions in life that boosted my self-esteem. I went to an elderly lady’s house with my mother and a friend of hers who was trying to rent a house from the elderly lady’s brother. (Confused yet?) We were sitting on the porch, and I noticed this elderly lady watching me intently. I shifted my eyes away, occasionally looking back, only to find her staring fixedly at me. Finally I stared back, and she said, “You know what? You’re the best-looking thing I believe I’ve ever seen in my life.” I’m sure I smiled broadly at her in amusement as I said, “Honey, you just look all you want!”
I was telling a friend about this incident sometime later, and he said, “Don’t worry, she told me the same thing once.” So much for the air in my balloon. I didn’t say it, but thought to myself, either the woman has bad eyes or low expectations, for in my opinion this friend was indeed even uglier than my dad though I was!
There used to be this little girl at Sharps Chapel Elementary when I was principal. She used to tell me that she wanted to marry me. I’d always reply, “We’ll talk about it when you’re eighteen.”
It is my cross to bear—I appeal to the very young and the very elderly, but not so much to those in between! Strangely enough, the little gal failed to look me up when she turned eighteen. Imagine that!
I remember when I was a high school student there was a girl I thought was really cute. She was younger than me, but I was in her brother’s class. I would have been mortified had this girl known I had a crush on her. Years later I renewed auld acquaintance with her brother and told him that I used to have a crush on his sister. He said perhaps I should have let her know, because he showed her a picture of me on Facebook these many years later and she said that I was certainly a good-looking man!
On the other hand, one of my half great nieces once told me at a church dinner that I was the biggest dork she had ever seen. (She didn’t get a Christmas present from me that year!)
I suppose that everyone is someone’s Beauty and someone else’s Beast.
I remember once going out with a girl I’d admired from a distance for some time. How I worked up the nerve to ask her out is beyond me. After a few outings (I’m not sure they could legitimately have been called “dates”), I asked her if I could hold her hand. She replied, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
This was not quite what I expected. How dangerous can it be to hold someone’s hand? This was many years in advance of COVID and President Trump, so neither of them could be blamed for such cautionary behavior. The girl I dated previously (and the word “dated” was very applicable in that situation) had no reservations about physical contact, so I didn’t quite know how to take this “No hands, ma!” approach.
In a few weeks this non-hand holder asked me, “Where is this relationship going?” What I was really thinking but neglected to say was—“Probably nowhere since you won’t even let me hold your hand.” I’d been taught that honesty was best, so I honestly replied, “I have no idea.” Even that was obviously the wrong answer, for next she said, “I think we should see other people.” As my friend Sharon MacDonald (aka Zell) used to say, “Joy go with you.”
I don’t suppose you’d be surprised, Dear Reader, to know that this feminine encounter did nothing for my self-esteem, with the exception of possibly lowering it. Consider the following church bulletin bloopers that probably did nothing for certain parishioners’ self-esteem:

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

As I enter the senior adult years, I find that others’ opinions do not affect me as drastically as they did in younger days. Joy comes from Christ and is either present or absent based upon our relationship with Him. Apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11 reflected this joy when he wrote, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” (KJV)
It is this kind of joy we should seek. Happiness is not the goal, for happiness is so often dependent upon others. I remember when I began teaching. I was assigned to third grade. I was twenty-two, and my students were generally eight or nine years old. I determined early that I could not let people a third of my age control my life. There had to be discipline and order.
So it is in life in general, Dear Reader. We will experience neither true joy nor happiness if we make it dependent upon the actions of others. Let’s grow out of letting others’ opinions make us feel we are less than we should be.
Is this easy? Not always. But as the hymn says, “Dare to be a Daniel!” Take a stand, don’t just follow the crowd. Then you will perhaps find not only happiness without, but joy within!