The old cliché says that a picture is worth a thousand words. Actually, an email from a friend revealed to me that thanks to current inflation, a picture is now worth only two hundred words, and as the price of everything else rises, the word value of a picture drops daily. Soon, words will be worth pictures!
One of Union County’s all-time great teachers, Peggy Cosby Debusk, often used the following phrase in her teaching, “Correct me if I’m wrong.” So often there are times when people need correction, but either they don’t know it or have spoken aloud when correction is not possible. I take great joy at those times when people use verbal or written words to state an intended thought but mistakenly express another.
For example, on the Marketplace feature that is part of my Facebook account, a person wrote: “2.89 acres for sale. Single wife included but not livable.” Notwithstanding, the accompanying picture affirmed that what was actually located on this otherwise prime real estate was a “single wide” mobile home that was not livable. I’m sure many would agree that one does not have to purchase property to acquire a wife that is non-livable. The high divorce rate testifies to that, and real estate only prolongs the suffering of the divorce settlement. Save your money and sanity! Besides, how can a “wife” be single? What if I prefer a “double wide” model wife!!!!!
Another advertisement on Marketplace read: “Oregon for sale.” Really? The entire state? That would be almost as good as President Thomas Jefferson’s acquisition of the Louisiana Territory in 1803 when he was 60 years old or Secretary of State William Seward’s 1867 purchase of Alaska! Once again the picture belied the words. What was for sale was an “organ”. Take it from me, I have two organs, neither of which I can play—not nearly as exciting as owning my own state.
I just received an email that directed me to a link with a list for spring names for girl and boy dogs. Some of them are hilarious when you think about calling your dog (“Here, Trunk! Here, Sap! Here, Pansy! Here, Hydrangea!”) One suggested name might be appropriate for a puppy (“Here, Puddle!”) The old Indian in the joke might appropriately have named his dog “Gone” as he had an inclination to jump off cliffs (“Bye, Dog Gone It!”) Creative, right? I think I’ll give my next dog a summer name (“Here, Hot!”) His last name will be “Dog”. (Get it? “Hot Dog!”)
I always fondly remember a high school buddy who had what another of our friends called his “illiterate” girlfriend. We had lots of fun passing her notes around and making fun of her writing errors. In one of her passionate notes she wrote with great feeling, “You are the first boy I never really loved.” What a revelation! Of all the boys on earth, she loved all but him! Why waste the lead and paper writing the note? Rejection hurts.
I leave you this week, Dear Reader, with some jewels I have received by email of supposed incidents in which someone misspoke and gave their intended meaning a humorous twist. The third is a particular favorite of mine. Enjoy until we meet again through the printed word.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"That low-down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it!"
--A congressional candidate in Texas