One of my favorite episodes of The Andy Griffith Show was the one in which Barney rigs up a camera in Wally’s Service Station to catch a thief. Of course Barney has to demonstrate his criminal genius to none other than Gomer Pyle. The resulting photograph is of Barney demonstrating his setup. Shrewd Barney Fife failed to reset the camera to possibly catch a picture of the real crook.
I can relate to Barney. He was totally shocked to see that he had photographed himself, not a criminal. I’m sure most of you can relate as well. How many mornings, especially before we have groomed for the day, and sometimes when ready to walk out the door, have we looked in our mirrors and thought, “That can’t be accurate”?
The recent winter storm barricaded many of us in our homes. Some did not see another living soul for days. One of the most useful things I learned during COVID was that it is not necessary to shave every day. For me, the choice of clothing during the winter storm of January 2024 was solely for the purpose of staying warm both in the house and for my brief treks to check the heat in my library out back.
What many of us might notice is how much weight we’ve put on during our seige. I managed to use my stomach to clean out some cupboards. Someone got so low on food that he said, “I choked on a carrot this morning, and all I could think of was, ‘I bet a doughnut wouldn’t have done this to me!’” Another’s routine was so interrupted by the snow that she said, “I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym. That makes seven years in a row, now.” A senior citizen sympathized with the animal world during the bitter cold. Said she, “It was so cold that my coffee froze before it reached my lips. I now know how a giraffe feels when the coffee gets cold before it reaches the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? NO! You only think about yourself!”
I couldn’t help but note at the beginning of the winter storm of January 2024 there were many people who posted their joys of playing in the snow. As the snow and icy roads lingered for days and the temperatures hit the single digits, there were fewer and fewer posts about the joys of Frosty’s cells. People might have many things to do during weather-imposed cabin fever, but one thing most of us seemed to have in common was food. One elderly man stated, “I love bacon. During the storm I sometimes ate it twice a day. It took my mind off the terrible chest pains I had after shoveling snow.”
Another lady was traumatized by the amount of weight she gained during the storm. “I put our scale in the bathroom corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.” A bachelor found a way to diet during the storm: “I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.” Perhaps dieting is overrated. It’s been said that the older we get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by our bodies and their fat have gotten to be really good friends.
Some ran out of things to do during the shut in and resorted to the dreaded housecleaning. This did not happen to everyone. One lady related, “Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch an episode of The Hoarders and think, ‘Wow! My house looks great.’” This woman was wise enough to know that every time we clean something, we just make something else dirty. Some might call this lady Lazy, Lousy Liza, and she acknowledged that, but noted: “As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy-efficient.”
I am beginning a feature in my next few articles that I hope you enjoy, Dear Reader. I am going to pose a Question of the Week. The answer will be provided in the next article, and a new question will be posed to be answered the following week.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK# 1
What do you call a cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's? (See next week’s article for the answer)

As usual, I leave you with thoughts shared with me via email.

I believe exercise makes you look better naked. But so does alcohol.
--Louisiana State Senator John Kennedy

Everything slows down with age,
except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.
--John Wagner

Old people shouldn't eat health foods.
They need all the preservatives they can get.
--Robert Orben

"You know you’re getting old
when you can pinch an inch on your forehead."
-- John Mendoza

My photographs don't do me justice--
they just look like me.
-- Phyllis Diller

“Government is like a baby:
an alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end
and no sense of responsibility at the other.”
-- Ronald Reagan
"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone
and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis.
If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good.
Vic Braden, Tennis Instructor

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.
Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years!