Before I married, I thought myself an expert on the subject. It did not matter that I was not a trained marriage counselor, I shared advice with anyone who would listen. I charged them what it cost me—absolutely nothing.
Now that I’m married, I realize how little I knew about marriage. I know less now than the day I said “I do”. I am thankful that all that marital advice I’ve given for years was free. It was worth what it cost.
I remember when I married sixteen years ago that the marriage license in Tennessee cost less if the couple underwent counseling from a minister. I believe the counseling was to be provided by the minister who would officiate at the ceremony. Our marriage began with sound advice from a man whose own marriage lived as testimony to the sanctity of the marital vows. Rev. Oliver Wolfenbarger, whose own marriage had lasted for the greater part of five decades at the time, presided at the event that bound my wife and me in the holy bonds of matrimony.
Baptist weddings are well known for brevity. Most of the work surrounding a marriage ceremony occurs before and after the event. After our brief ceremony in the church sanctuary, we along with any guests who chose proceeded to the basement for the reception.
Sadly for some, the reception and/or honeymoon is the highlight of the entire union. Where did the term “honeymoon” originate? According to an email I once received:

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. [Wonder the reason!] Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

A football coach was once asked after a monumental loss what the turning point of the game had been. He replied, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” In some marriages the turning point is the wedding march, not to be confused with a funeral dirge. Sometimes it is the honeymoon. It is supposed that most honeymoons involve lots of intimate, physical romance between newlyweds, though it must be remembered that there is a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away!
I have seen couples who, at least from my limited outside perspective, embody the ideal of marriage. Marriage is recognized by the Baptist faith as a lifetime vow in the sight of God between a man and a woman who love each other and want to merge their two lives into one. Such people do not marry for infatuation or physical intimacy but for the correct reason—love. I once heard that a person should marry someone with whom he/she can talk, for as age increases physical intimacy decreases, increasing the importance of communication.
Traditional marriage at one time was held in high esteem in American society. In the idealistic early days of 1950s television, physical relations between married couples were downplayed and respected. I have been told that the first couple to be shown in bed together on prime-time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Shame on those “dirty” toons!
The latter half of the twentieth century saw traditional marriage give place to “alternate lifestyles” such as a written, legally binding contract. Any man who enters into such a situation should make wise use of the fact that men are better at reading smaller print than are women.
Whatever the arrangement, some people enter marriage with low expectations for happiness and success. The parties are protected by such things as prenuptial agreements. A running back was purportedly asked why his marriage ceremony was held before noon. He replied, “Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.”
There are those who have been known to marry for money. That might look good to those on the outside, but some who marry for money later find themselves miserable. For a wonderful musical story about this, listen to Conway Twitty’s marvelous song “She Only Meant to Use Him”. That song puts to a lie the belief that though money can’t buy happiness, it sure makes misery easier to live with. It did not work that way for the lady in Conway’s song.
A football coach supposedly said, “I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.” This is not necessarily true in marriage. It is often as easy to separate or divorce as it is to marry. This happens in those unions which did not epitomize the marital ideal. It is relatively easy in today’s society for a couple to “unite” in marriage; conversely, it is often as easy to divorce as it is to reverse two letters in the word “unite” to “untie” the vows that bound.
It is interesting that in some cases marriage is like a hard-fought football game with only two players. Sometimes spousal abuse enters the picture. Sadly, there is a long history of abuse within marriages. According to information I received in an email, in the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. That is where the phrase “the rule of thumb” originated.
To complicate matters, sometimes participants from the sidelines (e.g., in-laws, gossipy friends and neighbors, homewreckers) hone in on the action. It has been said that behind every successful man is his woman. Sometimes, behind the fall of a successful man is another woman from the outer limits. (The same applies to women—marital trouble is no respecter of gender.) I don’t believe many couples marry intending to fail. Happy is the married couple that can live together in clear conscience, even if due to a fuzzy memory.
The old cliché says that the spouse is the last to know. A football coach was once asked why his team had lost a game. He replied, “I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.” Perhaps better to be told by the barber than the mailman!
In most broken relationships, there seems to be an effort to place blame on someone. A husband might say to his wife (or vice versa), “I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.” I distinctly remember my aunt once telling my uncle, “You are the cause of all my misery and suffering.”
Should a man find himself in an unhappy marital situation, there is the occasional respite. For some it is the “man cave”. There is also the wide world of sports. According to an email I received, many years ago in Scotland a new game was invented. It was ruled “Gentlemen Only . . . Ladies Forbidden”—thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
Some come to regret their marriages. A football coach once said he thought his team’s “execution” was a good idea. My mother many times told with great pleasure of a man who said, “Before I married my wife I could just have ‘eat her up’. Afterwards, I wish I had!” Some who have “tied the knot” later wish it was tightly “bound” around their spouse’s neck.
Sometimes distressed married couples attempt to reconcile with assistance from a marriage counselor. In some cases, this is effective, and the marriage is saved. Some couples have come to believe they can’t go to hell because their marriage is hell on earth. Other times, a marriage counselor serves as a martial diplomat, someone who convinces troubled couples that the hell they’re in is truly paradise. Kind of reminds me of the episode of The Andy Griffith Show in which the married couple can only be kind to other people when they’re being mean to each other.
And sometimes there are second and possibly subsequent marriages. Someone once said, “You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.” Sometimes impetuous lovers enter into marriage too quickly without having given proper thought to the future. Remember these words of wisdom: the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
In closing, men can take comfort in the fact that women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are hot stuff. Notwithstanding, I caution husbands everywhere: it was women who invented bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers. Women can also hear better than men, and women seem to remember everything that is to their spouse’s detriment. Remember this, gentlemen, before you go head to head with your wife—women are smart and creative!
I leave you with a final word of advice—should you need marital counseling, choose anyone but me! You can only be the better for it.

Don Meredith, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback once said:
"Coach Tom Landry is such a perfectionist
that if he was married to Raquel Welch,
he would expect her to cook.”

My spouse says I have 2 faults.
I don't listen and . . . something else.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

A question asked on the Hollywood Squares:
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place,
men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.