Mincey’s Musings
Year Two, Week Six

I write this article for you on the eve of Lincoln’s Birthday, 2019. It will be published for your reading pleasure closer to the eve of Washington’s Birthday.

This saga started when I went to my post office box last Saturday. A boxholder offering $5.00 off a single purchase of $75.00 or more at the local Food City caught my attention.

I really didn’t expect to use it, but just in case . . .

Later that very day, my wife sent me to Food City with a grocery list. I have never liked grocery shopping, but I do have the ability to get exactly what is asked for, very little else, and return home in less than an hour (usually).

My wife listed bread, onions, potatoes, chips, ice cream, and chicken. Not just any chicken—the ten pound bags of chicken that are kept in the meat cooler. It took me quite some time to locate this chicken, and only two bags were left. In the interest of perhaps accumulating a total bill of $75.00 and being able to use my one-time $5.00 discount, I purchased both bags.

I found all the other items with ease, except for the cornmeal. Not just any cornmeal—Aunt Jemima® Self-Rising Yellow Corn Meal. (This brand does exist—I just Googled it. It’s available at Walmart.) I never heard of this brand of corn meal mix, but I dared not dispute my wife since the time she proved herself correct when I would have sworn on the Bible itself that she was flat out lying. Silently, I was not surprised when I could not find that brand of corn meal, but bought the closest brand I could find—Martha White Self-Rising Yellow Corn Meal.

When I got to the register, I went through the usual running of the Value Card and presentation of the $5.00 discount. Alas, my total was in the $70.00 range, but not quite $75.00. I bought three additional loaves of bread to cause the total due to be $75.00. Then the discount wouldn’t work. The cashier called the manager, and discovered the problem—it is not the total bill outstanding but the total due before taxes that activates the discount. I had to buy a Zero candy bar and an additional bag of chips (I think I was in such a hurry that I could have gotten another bag free, but I was about over it!)

I get home with the groceries. My wife was not overly impressed that I had gone to such lengths to save $5.00, and I do believe I fell victim to the advertising trap that causes one to go to greater lengths to spend more than ordinarily would have been spent just to “save” money!

My wife was not upset about the corn meal mix. She accepted the fact I did my best. She did question what she was going to do with twenty pounds of chicken (cook it, eat it, freeze it) and four loaves of bread. I said I would take two of the four loaves of bread to work so I could eat in this week and save money that would otherwise be spent in restaurants.

I was glad on Sunday that I made the bread purchase, for a dear lady in our church family brought homemade pimento cheese and lemon bundt cake (one of my favorites) that her daughter had made for our after-church dining pleasure. The lemon cake was a personal favor for me, as the daughter knows I love lemon. Of course, there were leftovers, and I brought enough for my administrative assistant and myself to enjoy for a few days during lunch at work.

Both my administrative assistant and I looked forward to enjoying this feast. I placed the pimento cheese in the fridge and the loaves of bread and cakes on the kitchen table. Alas, when lunch time arrived, where was the bread? The cheese and cake were there, but where was the bread? I searched high and low for the bread, and questioned everyone as to their knowledge of my absconded loaves, but where was the bread!

This reminded me of a story a co-worker told me about Mr. James Grubb Shumate, longtime Union County teacher and friend to hundreds of students throughout the years. It seems this co-worker drove Mr. Shumate and a group of students to a field trip. My co-worker stayed on the bus, and around lunch time Mr. Shumate returned to the bus, very angry. When asked what was wrong, Mr. Shumate said, “Some (blank) (blank) stole my lunch!”

I could certainly sympathize with my former pedagogue. It was like the reverse of the Bible story in which Jesus took a young lad’s lunch and fed a multitude of 5,000 men, with women and children besides. Jesus used five loaves and two fishes to feed the multitude—I only started with two loaves, and they had disappeared. And I didn’t deem it a miracle that my loaves were being used to feed other hungry people.

So there we sat, with no bread to feed our hungering souls. I thought Matthew 13:12 was being fulfilled in my life at that moment: “For whosever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath” (KJV).

My questioning continued, and finally it was revealed that one of our Central Office family, who had gone for the day, had for some reason relocated the two loaves to his office.

At this time it is not known why, but my colleague in crime is a pleasant fellow that I consider a friend, so I am sure no ill will was intended. In fact, I am thinking my friend somehow saved my loaves from harm and just had to leave before he could let me know.

Lunch was then finished satisfactorily, and my assistant and I relocated the loaves ourselves to prevent some future hindrance to future lunches.

I leave you with another jewel from the email world:

A thief broke into my house last night.
He started searching for money,
so I woke up and searched with him.