I once received an email that included this description of a most loved past time—“Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.”
My late brother J. C. Mincey loved the game. He once told me that during his life (I almost typed “lie”) he had hit six holes in one, but no one was present except himself any of the six times. My brother was a true legend, if nowhere else at least in his own mind.
J. C. used to tell me about his golf adventures. He’d tell me his scores. I know nothing about golf, so I’d ask him if his score was good or bad. Sometimes he’d say, “Ah, that was pretty good,” others “not worth a !@#$,” accordingly.
I admit up front that I know nothing about golf. I can name you a few famous golfers such as Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus, though I’m just as likely to mix up Jack Nicklaus and Jack Nicholson. So, you might ask, why write an article about something you know next to nothing about? For the same reason many who know nothing of politics run for public office, I suppose—to prove that I can do it!
My world of email has taught me a few things about this sport of which I am for the most part illiterate. I know it can get expensive to buy the equipment, and that winnings for top pro golfers can be enormous. Bob Hope was purported to have said, “Golf is my profession. Show business it just to pay the green fees.” I probably would have more in common with a comedic peer of Bob Hope, the legendary Jack Benny—“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”
Not only can golf be profitable to the golfer, it can also benefit charity. Lee Trevino noted, “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”
I have also learned that perhaps the only place for me in the world of golf might be as a caddie. PGA golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez is quoted as saying, “After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
According to Jack Nicklaus, “Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win twenty per cent of the time, you’re the best.” In my school days of personal embarrassment (known to most of you as “physical education”), I was never afforded the opportunity to fail at golf. I did have occasion to try my hand at baseball. It would be a contest to determine of which I am most ignorant—golf or baseball. In my personal experience with baseball, I found that the bat was not big enough for the ball, or the ball was not big enough for the bat. Had the ball been the size of the moon and the bat as big as a rocket ship, it wouldn’t have mattered to me. I still have trouble hitting the trash can with a paper wad, even if I’m standing directly over the top of a large trash can. I am made to understand, however, that what is considered an exquisite batting average is similar to what is recognized as a good golf score, percentages considered.
I have also learned from email that playing golf is a good way to meet new people. Jack Lemmon shared, “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
I’d say that the late Rev. Dr. Billy Graham and I would have the most in common on a golf course. Dr. Graham said that the Lord answered his prayers everywhere “except on the golf course.” I’d say the biggest hope I’d have of getting a prayer answered on a golf course would be if the prayer were, “Lord, remove me from this place!”
I remember my dad, who never so much as touched a golf club in his life, often watched golf tournaments on television. Now that I’m within a dozen years of the age at which he died, I’ve determined that it was either because it was rather quiet (Dad hated noise) or good television to nap by.
I leave you this week with no tidbits from my email world, as I’ve used all the pertinent ones above. I wish for you, Dear Reader, a most peaceful week full of restful activities.