My all-time favorite television show is Bonanza. To me, it’s a lot like The Andy Griffith Show—no matter how many times I see an episode, it never grows old. There are two episodes of Bonanza that stand out because of one single statement.
The first originally aired on May 20, 1961, “The Dream Riders” (Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0529708/ Retrieved July 6, 2021). An old friend of Ben Cartwright’s, Major John F. Cayley, is obsessed with building a gigantic balloon to sail around the world. As the US Army has no interest in financing the scheme, Major Cayley consorts with two colleagues to use the Ponderosa as a “test site” for a hot air balloon. The three plan to rob the Virginia City Bank and escape with the money via the balloon. As the story develops, Sergeant Hines becomes greedy and attempts to escape with the money alone. Hines draws his gun on Ben Cartwright and orders him to cut the rope to release the balloon. Cayley yells, “Don’t do it, Ben! Don’t do it!” as he struggles with Hines to prevent his escape. The empty balloon does escape into the sky as the dead bodies of Hines and Cayley are left behind.
The other episode, “The Last Mission”, originally aired on May 8, 1966 (Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0529756/ Retrieved July 6, 2021). This episode features another army friend of Ben’s, Major Keith Jarrell. Major Jarrell has a small band of soldiers with him. He tells Ben that he is seeking Indian Chief Elkoro to talk peace. Jarrell convinces Ben to accompany him, as Ben has friendly relations with Indian tribes in his area. The plot later reveals that Jarrell’s actual intent is to avenge himself by killing Elkoro and his warriors with a Gatling gun that is concealed in one of the wagons. Jarrell has a bitter hatred for Indians, as they killed his wife and daughter several years earlier. While Ben is gone to meet with Elkoro, the injured Hoss Cartwright is found by Elkoro’s warriors and brought into the Indian camp. Elkoro tells Ben Cartwright that they have both been betrayed and engages his warriors in combat with Jarrell and his men. This results in most of Elkoro’s warriors and all of Jarrell’s men, save Jarrell and one soldier, being slain. Ben comes into the army camp with Elkoro as he says, “Jarrell, I’m coming in.” Jarrell replies, “Don’t do it, Ben! Don’t try it.”
I watch these two episodes several times every year, eagerly waiting for just those four words—DON’T DO IT, BEN! I have borrowed the phrase for my personal motto. I use it whenever I find myself in a situation to warn others, either seriously or in jest, not to do certain things.
I received an email a few days ago that said, “Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages the USA has ever known.” There are several sayings with which he is credited. One in particular is, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” If I’m around those who are about to say something not advisable, I will tell them if I have time, “Don’t do it, Ben!” More often than not I’m the one that needs to hear this from someone else.
A few things about wise sayings—they are often attributed to those who did not say them, they are often misquoted, and they are used so often that they become clichés. There is no mistaking, however, the wisdom they proclaim. Here are a few examples of when I might invoke a “Don’t do it, Ben”: when--
squatting with your spurs on, Cowboy!
slapping a man who’s chewing tobacco (ter’backer for country folk);
kicking a fresh cow patty on a hot day (especially if barefoot);
standing between a dog and a fire hydrant (this is attributed to Louisiana Senator
John Kennedy);
leading your cow upstairs (Supposedly, it is possibly to lead a cow upstairs but not
downstairs. How do people know these things? Either someone did this at
their home or conducted a very expensive research study to find this out.
This is related to the easier experiment of putting a cat in a bag after it has been let out—the cat might be somewhat calm when first placed in the bag, but will in no wise be ready for a second such experience, unless is it very sickly or dead.)

Next week, Dear Reader, I’ll share some other “don’tables” with you. Until then, ponder on these few things that will make you smarter and allow you to amaze your friends and loved ones with your newfound knowledge of completely useless facts.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
(Longer than some people I know!)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(Some people I know are the same way!)

A snail can sleep for three years.
(My cat runs a close second!)

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
(But you’ll try it next time, won’t you?)

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
(He was definitely on the cutting edge!)

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
(And that’s the cold truth!)