The Bible tells us that in the beginning, God gave the first man and woman only one commandment. They could eat of all the trees of the Garden of Eden except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God had a very good reason for this. Before they ate the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve were innocent like children, not knowing that anything was wrong. God knew that when they ate of the forbidden tree that they would be painfully aware of what sin was, they would know they had the ability to sin, they would exercise their newfound freedom to sin, and the consequences of their sin would bring sadness and ultimately physical death.
I was taught as a child that it is not wise to question God, so I am not going to do that here. I will focus on God’s sense of humor. The first couple could not keep one commandment, so what did God do? Took Moses up on a mountain and gave him ten commandments. Paul Harvey doesn’t have to say it—you already know the rest of the story. Humankind can’t keep them, either.
Some of the commandments are stated “positively”—that is, they tell us what we shall do (remember the Sabbath day . . . six days thou shalt labour . . . honour thy father and mother . . .). In the courses in teacher preparatory programs, prospective educators are taught to state their rules for student conduct in positive terms—remind students of what they are supposed to do rather than telling them what not to do.
It would seem logical that stating positive expectations for student behavior might be more effective than giving them ideas of what not to do via a list of things they should not do. My first secretary told me that she would do anything for me that I asked her to, but that if I ordered her to do something or told her not to do something, that something inside her would rise up and make her want to defy me. I heeded her advice, and it worked for us.
Mankind has always had a problem thinking himself superior to God. Interestingly, more of the ten commandments God provided are stated “negatively”, telling us things that we “shalt not” do. Indeed, the phrase “shalt have no” is used in the first commandment, and the words “shalt not” are used ten times in nine of the verses in the King James Version that state the ten commandments (Exodos 20: 3-17).
When I was growing up, my parents guided my behavior by telling me what I’d better not do. In school, my teachers had rules that were usually stated in terms of what not to do (No talking, No gum, etc.). Punishment followed when I did what I was told not to do, just as consequences come from God when I break a commandment. I spent an entire weekend writing 500 sentences (I will not talk. I will not talk. I will not . . .) for Ms. Polly Dyer in fifth grade after ignoring her rule to not talk. It didn’t so much curb my desire to talk, but I sure wasn’t eager to write a lot after that.
The only time my dad whipped me was for disobeying his order to change my school clothes one day when I got home from second grade. I’d been ignoring directives from Dad for my entire life. My oldest sister Ruby told me that one day I was going to “hit him wrong”, and he was going to let me have it. I was a wise seven year old. I was smart enough to know that that was how Dad had dealt with his children from his first marriage, but he had always thought it was funny when I just started at him when he gave me an order I didn’t like. I was also wise enough to not tell Ruby that she didn’t know what she was talking about.
It turned out that Ruby did know what she was talking about. Dad didn’t smile on that day in my second grade year when I stared at him but did not change my school clothes. He stared back, not even a grin, then got up from the couch, crossed behind the Warm Morning heating stove, opened the door to the closet under the stairwell, and pulled out a blue yardstick. I wisely figured out that he intended to whip me with that yardstick, so I unwisely decided to start doing what he’d told me. That was not smart, for I only had time to remove my britches before Dad started smacking my rear end, now only protected by my underwear. No pair of underwear ever felt thinner.
From that moment until the day he died, I had a fearful respect of my father. I never questioned why he told me to do anything ever again. As a matter of fact, I tried to stay as far from him as possible for the remainder of his life, at least most of the time.
Faithful Reader, I’m definitely not God, not even your earthly daddy, but I’m going to share with you some what I will call “don’t-ables” that I have picked up from my email world during the past few months.
The first comes in the form of a fable. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: don’t keep running your mouth when you’re full of bull.
Don’t laugh at your spouse’s choices, especially not to his/her face. You are one of those choices.
If there’s ever another public health crisis, don’t let the elusive “them” take your temperature on your forehead at the grocery store because it will erase your memory. You might have gone to the store for only macaroni and cheese, but you just might possibly get home with wine and beer.
Don’t drink downstream from the herd. Enough said, hopefully.
Don’t continue digging when you find yourself in a hole.
Don’t corner something that is meaner than you.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives. I was once asked by a granddaughter of an educator that I highly respected to borrow a hundred dollars. Based on her grandmother’s outstanding character, I loaned the money. I have seen neither granddaughter nor cash since. Reminds me of the Indian proverb that was mentioned in an episode of Bonanza—trick me once, the joke’s on you. Trick me twice, the joke’s on me!
“Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.” As a colleague of mine once said, “If it don’t affect your paycheck, keep your mouth shut.” Advice is often so easy to give, but difficult if not impossible to take, as the colleague proved.
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend thirty seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
Finally, don’t believe everything you see in print, even if you see it in this column. Remember, Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
In the next article I will share with you some signs that you might be getting old. Until we meet again via the printed word, don’t do anything that you’d be ashamed for the preacher to tell in church on Sunday morning.