How many of us old-timers remember the television theme song to Cheers—“sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name”? Sometimes we are the exact opposite—we want to go where no one knows anything about us.

I received an email today that gave me pause for thought. Some people worry about being in the “in” crowd. That is usually a place I do not crave, as the admission price is sometimes greater than I wish to pay. According to the thoughts expressed in the email, I may have tried, possibly even succeeded, more often that I thought.

One aspect to consider is being “in”cognito. I have always thought of being incognito as being in a state of non-recognition, of not being noticed. That has not always been a pleasant place to be. I was born twenty-two years after the youngest of my paternal half-siblings. I was younger than many of their children, my nieces and nephews, and sometimes I got lost in the mix of my older nieces and nephews!

Regardless, my parents tried their best to instill in me the value of not drawing an overt amount of recognition to myself. Sometimes, the things people do to accomplish this have the exact opposite effect. For example, it’s hard for a kid who loves to talk not to draw attention to himself. Also, need sometimes dictates dress. Wearing clothing noticeably different from the “in” crowd often results in outfits that are truly one of a kind. Barbara Mandrell sang that she was country when country wasn’t cool. I wore a “burr” haircut, polyester pants, bell bottom jeans, and leisure suit jackets long after they ceased being either fashionable, cool or incognito (if they ever were). Perhaps it is the combinations of items of clothing that have an effect on incognition, as there are some combinations that didn’t and should never have existed! Once my mother dressed me in a yellow plastic raincoat and galoshes for school. Trust me, no one else had on an outfit that day like mine. I looked like the world’s skinniest banana, like Curious George’s man in the yellow raincoat!

Consulting Google for a definition, I find this meaning: “with your true identity kept secret (as by using a different name or a disguise)” (Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/incognito, August 24, 2020). Reflecting on this meaning, my mind goes to Facebook. If you want to have some fun with my name, type “Ronnie Mincey” into the Facebook search and see what you come up with. There are a few other people with my name out there, but seemingly none of them are quite like me. Want to have even more fun? Type your name into Facebook’s search, or into the Google search engine. You’ll quickly realize how “in”cognito you really are! You might be surprised how public your private life really is, how non-incognito you really are.

Every person has a part of their lives that cannot be shared with even the most intimate acquaintances, even spouses. Many times this is not intentional—there just never comes the time to tell your spouse about the time your jeans were too tight in third grade, and when you bent next to your desk at the end of the day to collect your homework your britches ripped right up the seam, from waist to crotch! Thankfully you did have on underwear and it was the cool days of autumn, so you had your trusty sweater to tie about your waist so you would not become embarrassingly non-incognito to the rest of the school! It just never came up in conversation, wasn’t really important, something that hadn’t been remembered in years—until now when you are thinking about the word incognito. Did this happen to me? Someone I knew? Did I make it up? See how this “incognito’ business works?

And there are times that we should all be glad of how “incognito” we truly are. There are those who have what I call “poker faces”. They can absolutely despise the person to whom they are forced into the uncomfortable situation of having to engage in public conversation, but neither that person nor anyone witnessing would have the faintest clue. We seem always justified feeling this way about others, but what if they feel that way about us? Could we read their thoughts, were they not “incognito”, would not we be scandalized, “most offended”, as one of my co-workers would say?

I recall a sermon preached by a pastor who said he once called his father (also a minister) and poured out his heart. He was upset that other ministers were talking about him, and not in favorable ways. The father responded, “It’s none of your business what other people think about you!” The answer took the younger preacher aback. But turn the equation around and make it somewhat personal: “Is it anybody else’s business what you think of anyone else? Even the person about whom you may be thinking less than favorable thoughts? You’ll be thankful about how “incognito” are your thoughts if you knew everyone could read them!

Next week I’ll share about some more “in” places. For now, I leave you with this thought:

I've never been in Cognito. I hear that no one recognizes you there.