My Aunt Fleetie Thomas introduced me to Mark Twain.
This is one of the flukes in my reading experience, as my aunt was neither highly educated or literary. I was staying with her for a few days during a summer when I was in the upper elementary grades. Either she bought me the volume that contained two of Twain’s most popular books (The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn), or I bought it myself. I do remember it came from a rummage sale. I loved that book.
Since that book was such a hit with me, my Aunt Fleetie bought me another book that had the word “adventures” on the cover. This second book also came from a rummage sale. She saved it for me until my next visit. The spine of the book lists it as nonfiction, but I’m sure this had nothing to do with why my aunt bought it for me. This book had a predominantly pink cover. I still have the book on my library shelves. It was titled Xaviera! Her Continuing Adventures by the Author of “The Happy Hooker”, by Xaviera Hollander.
Do any of you, Faithful Readers, have any idea what that book is about? My Aunt Fleetie sure didn’t. I can’t imagine what my aunt might have thought the adventures of “The Happy Hooker” might have been. A hitchhiker, trying to “hook” a ride? Someone trying to “latch hook” a rug? A criminal trying to “hook and crook” someone? Perhaps, most likely, she didn’t read the cover closely at all. If you, Faithful Reader, are unaware of the identity and nature of Ms. Hollander, you will find a Google search about her most interesting.
I didn’t read Ms. Hollander’s book until after I’d left my aunt’s house. I must say I found it very enlightening at that pre-/adolescent point in my life. Later I asked my aunt if she knew what that book was about. She didn’t, so I told her it was written by a prostitute about her life experiences. (Actually, I didn’t word it that professionally with my aunt, as we were both familiar with baser terms for such a personage.) She laughed and said, “Lord have mercy! I didn’t know that was what that book was about. I wouldn’t have give it to you if I’d knowed!”
I wonder what Mark Twain would have said about Ms. Hollander had he had the experience of reading her books! Perhaps he might have put it in light of his feelings about his own writing. Maybe he would have read her book like he prolifically stated that he many times approached writing, “. . . like an envelope without any address . . .”, or possibly as he once stated he felt about a death: “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mr. Twain might have agreed with the late great President Ronald Reagan, who once said: “It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.” President Reagan also said, “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.” Writing certainly seems to have worked for both Mr. Twain and Ms. Hollander. Even President Reagan wrote an autobiography, come to think of it!
Mark Twain also had some things to say about politics, such as: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Government. But then I repeat myself.”
Oscar Ameringer has, according to an email I once received, been called “the Mark Twain of American Socialism”. He defined politics as “. . . the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.”
Do you remember a time when decisions were made by going “eeny-meeny-miney-moe”? Ever been to a political meeting?
Have you ever wondered, Dear Reader, if the things I relate in these articles are always true? Ever true? Partially true? Sometimes the retro-commercial about Tootsie Roll pops comes on retro television stations. It, in cartoon form, depicts a little boy asking a “wise ol’ owl” how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop. The owl takes three licks, counting each lick, then crunches the remainder in its teeth, and wisely replies, “Three!”
I’ll just say that Mark Twain, a somewhat “wise ol’ owl” himself, once said, “Nothing spoils a good story more than the arrival of an eyewitness.” Have you ever noticed that most of the people I write about are deceased? It’s hard for a ghost to refute a story. I share a common malady with Mr. Twain, I fear: “The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.”
I fear, Dear Reader, that in most cases you will have to take me at my word. In the case of the present article, I have the book to prove it! Leave it to the courts to decide what kind of evidence that is!
As usual, I leave you with some tidbits from the never-ending world of email, a sometimes most enlightening place. May there be a special touch of magic in your life this week.
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look,
it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain

I finally realize why I look so bad in pictures.
It's my face.

I asked a supermarket employee where they kept the canned peaches.
He said, "I'll see," & walked away.
I asked another & he also said, "I'll see," & walked away.
In the end, I gave up & found them myself,
in Aisle C.

When I was a kid, I used to watch the Wizard of Oz
& wonder how someone could talk if they didn't have a brain.
Then I got Facebook.

Never trust an electrician with no eye brows.

"The important thing to remember is,
I’m probably going to forget."
(Who said that?)