Last week I shared about various signs that have caught my attention throughout the years. Today I continue with that thought.
Several years ago in the Sunday morning service at Loveland Baptist Church the elderly, esteemed Rev. Oliver Wolfenbarger stood and announced his text. It was the same text he had preached on the week before. He said, “I know what you’re thinking—poor ol’ Wolfenbarger, he’s losing his mind, can’t even remember that was what he preached about last week.” He continued, “I know this is the same text I used last week, I just didn’t get through with my message. And I’ll tell you something else. I’m just about as crazy as you all think I am.”
“That’s right, Lord!” encouraged Mark Scates from the front bench. Talk about timing!
When I was a student at the Harrogate campus of Lincoln Memorial University, there was a church on the left between Tazewell and Harrogate that had a huge sign that proclaimed:

PREPARE TO MEET THY GOD

There were a few times when a big test or huge project was due the following week that I fancied I would rather meet the Lord than to have to endure the stress ahead. The month of August this year was extremely stressful for me at the Union County Board of Education as the deadline for the massive ESSER 3.0 grant loomed nearer and nearer. When it was finally completed and submitted, I told a couple of co-workers I hoped I did not die the next week, for I would hate to know I’d spent my last week on earth embroiled in a mad dash to complete an application for federal funds!
But, as Ernest T. Bass said on an episode of The Andy Griffith Show, “I’m still here!”
Beyond LMU there were happier, more relaxing times to be had for the weary student in Middlesboro, Kentucky. And this obviously was not limited to overstressed undergraduate students, as the bank sign at the corner of Cumberland Avenue and the main drag through Middlesboro proclaimed:

DON’T KISS OUR GIRLS—
THEY’RE ALL TELLERS

I never had opportunity to explore the veracity of that statement.
And then there are those signs that leave out crucial letters that are very critical to meaning. I was amused at the gentleman who advertised Grainger County tomatoes, but always left out the letter “I”. A business once relocated and wanted to let its patrons know the new location. Unfortunately, the sign left out the letter “O” in the word “COUNTY”, leading to a totally unintended, somewhat obscene message.
There are also times when the incorrect letter can lead to misadventure. I was perplexed by a friend who posted on Facebook that her mate was a MOTEL husband, until someone pointed out that she meant a “MODEL” husband. (Ah, what a difference one letter can make!) I think I have told you previously about the minister who once intended to text me that he was sitting on his DECK; unfortunately, his auto-correct did not detect his incorrect use of another vowel in place of the “E”, and that vowel was not A, O, or U. I never had the heart to tell my minister friend of his mistake.
Finally, be careful with EXIT signs. There was a sign in the auditorium at the Claiborne County Campus of Walters State Community College that said:

DO NOT EXIT

That particular sign was great advice, for it was not close to a door, but right above a trash can. That certainly would not be a great way of escape.
Perhaps my favorite of all was a series of signs at a doctor’s office building. One sign said something to the effect:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE
EXIT SAFELY

If you looked at the outside of the building, there was a door in the second floor that had no steps. An exit by that route could make you understand why that doctor’s office had a lot of visits due to complications from falls!
Dear Reader, if you would like to read some entertaining signs, do a little research on Burma-Shave road signs. Some of them were very catchy and quite entertaining. Thank you for sharing a few moments of the written word once again, and allow me to leave you with these thoughts that have been shared with me via email.

Why is ‘dark' spelled with a “k” and not a “c”?
(Because you can't see in the dark.)

What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar?
(There, their, they're.)

“‘Dum’ enough for twins.” – Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy