If only we could take them back, for they were not what we had in mind, at all. I’m not talking about returning merchandise to the retailer without the receipt. I’m talking about word mishaps. Sometimes what comes out of our mouths isn’t what was in our brains, or better yet, we just become confused and say the totally wrong words.

At times, these situations can be rather humorous. And at other times, it would be merciful of God to let the floor open up and swallow us.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how many receipts we have; we can never take our words back.

At the tender age of 3, I began my adventure in word mishaps and in doing so, I horrified my Southern Baptist mother. Since I was born in February, my birthstone is Amethyst. When people asked me if I knew my birthstone, I would answer, “It’s atheist.”

It didn’t get any better as I grew older. I still remember my panic during the final English exam in Shakespeare way back in high school. I knew to which play the question was referring, but unfortunately for me, I couldn’t grasp the name of it. All I could remember was the painting in the textbook of a man surrounded by many women. And he had an English last name that started with a W.

So, in desperation I wrote, “The Many Widows of Worcestershire.” Yes, as in the sauce. And to be honest, I probably spelled Worcestershire wrong since we didn’t have smart phones back in the 80s.

As soon as I left the classroom, I looked in my textbook and realized the correct answer was, “The Merry Wives of Windsor.”

Hey, I was close, sort of.

The next day, I walked into English class and averted making eye contact with my teacher. I didn’t want to see the “What’s wrong with you?” expression in her eyes. Or worse, hear her say something embarrassing to me in front of the whole class like: “At least you didn’t answer The Babbling Beauties of BBQ.”

Actually, that may have been a better answer. First, it kinda rhymes. Second, I can spell BBQ correctly.

I know this is hard to believe, but I don’t hold the record for the most embarrassing word mishap. My great grandmother, Mamaw Myrtle (a.k.a. Mamaw Girdle), holds that honor. And when my family members told me this story, they had to make sure Mamaw wasn’t around.

Her word mishap happened many, many years ago. My family attended a small country church. Also attending there was an elderly gentleman who had difficulty in pronouncing certain words. Everybody knew about it and just went along with him. But there was one word in particular that really irked my Mamaw Myrtle.

Before we go any further, let me clarify some things about her. While she prided herself on being proper, she was by no means a prude. She was quite the opposite in that she loved to have fun and was a little on the feisty side.

The mispronounced word that bothered my mamaw so much was “Plasms.” That was the way the older gentleman pronounced Psalms. You see, Psalms was her favorite book of the Bible.

From what I gather, she got hot under the collar every time he said, “Plasms.” She used to fuss about it after they left church. Why didn’t anybody correct him? Could he not hear himself? She even began to make fun of him and started to say “Plasms” around the house and to her friends.

One fateful Sunday morning, it was her turn to lead her ladies Sunday School class. She stood in front of them and in a very loud voice she boomed, “Today, we are going to study out of the book of Plasms!”

The world calls it Karma. As Christians, we say you reap what you sow.

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Galatians 6:7 (KJV)

We do indeed reap what we sow. So, be careful about making fun of others for it may come back to you. And if you offend somebody else, sincerely apologize to them and don’t do it again. Mamaw never said “Plasms” again after that day.

If your word mishap embarrasses you, shake it off. Don’t sow anger and resentment toward yourself. Go with the flow and allow yourself to be human. Believe me, I know whereof I speak. It’s better to turn it around and laugh than to be upset.

To this day, “Plasms” still has an effect on me. I used to teach Sunday School and Children’s Church and I had a fear I would say “Plasms” myself. So, each time I taught in Psalms, I would say, “We’re going to look into…” At this point I would stop for a second and then very slowly say “P-s-a-l-m-s.”