I remember watching Hollywood Squares on television when I was a kid. Many of the finer details of the show are slipping into the dark area of my brain known as the distant past, but I remember the major points.
Hosted by Peter Marshall, the show was something of a game show fashioned from tic-tac-toe. Nine celebrities were seated within a gigantic tic-tac-toe framework. Two contestants competed by selecting celebrities which were asked somewhat inane questions. The contestant either agreed or disagreed with the celebrities’ answers and received credit if correct.
Many of the questions and responses hinged on sexual innuendo—however, care was taken to keep the show clean and inoffensive, so that children like me who watched the show would not be corrupted.
Here is an example of the show’s humor:
Q. What are “Do It,” “I Can Help,” and “I Can't Get Enough”?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
A YouTube search will provide other similar and more entertaining snippets from the show. I liked Hollywood Squares when I was young, though I didn’t understand why the offhand responses to the inane questions seemed to produce such hilarity.
A frequent guest on Hollywood Squares was Phyllis Diller. A simple Google search will relate that she was “… an American stand-up comedian, actress, musician and visual artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, self-deprecating humor, wild hair and clothes, and exaggerated, cackling laugh.”
The word that best describes Diller to me is “eccentric.” I have always been drawn to eccentric people. The person in real life who most reminds me of Diller’s persona is my wonderful friend, the late, great Sharon McDonald.
As I write this, the Union County School System is in the midst of spring break. I’m sure many of the staff and families are taking vacations or simply relaxing, possibly doing nothing, but I’m sure there are a few like me who are using the opportunity to do some spring cleaning.
Phyllis Diller had a few tidbits that relate to that activity:
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
These sound like convincing arguments to not waste a beautiful week indoors on something as mundane and droll as home maintenance. However, there are those of us I’m sure who are still dead set on that spring cleaning.
Consider the following thought from my email world:
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
Still planning to spring clean? Consider Genesis 3:19 (KJV): “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”
At least one individual heeded this advice, reasoning, “If people came from dust and will return to dust, I won’t dust. It could be someone I know.” Could even Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame argue such logic?
Well? Still not convinced? Consider another Scripture:
“The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.” ― Isaiah 11: 6 KJV
A nine-year-old girl was asked, “Is it better to be single or married?” She replied, “It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Perhaps this is a somewhat convincing argument for the need of cleaning, but don’t forget Phyllis:
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Still contemplating that dust mop? Perhaps I’ve at least convinced the feminine readers of the futility of spring cleaning. Unfortunately, there are other considerations than housework when it comes to spring cleaning. One lady observed: I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.
Finally beaten down, Dear Reader, that at least something has to be cleaned this spring? Just be glad you’re not an environmentalist or government official who has to worry about smog and air pollution. Never fear.
One of the most successful and richest businessmen of the twentieth century, Lee Iacocca, said: “We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
O, goodness gracious! Look at the time! Sorry, Dear Reader, but I’ve got to cut this short. I’ve got to get home and finish painting my bathroom before the paint and brushes dry out.
Until next time, don’t work too hard!