It was Sunday afternoon. He had been to church, had gone out to eat with his sister and a fellow parishioner. He called his wife and asked what she would like him to bring her home to eat. He stopped on the way home and filled the car with fuel and bought his wife’s lunch. He arrived home and presented his wife with her food. Having nothing pressing to do that wouldn’t wait until the first day of the work week, he sat down in his recliner for a pleasant Sunday afternoon nap.
Just as he reclines his head back, his wife hands him something. “I need you to help me read this and figure out what I’m supposed to do, but you don’t have to do it right now. You can do it when you wake up.”
Fine. Excellent. He leaned his weary cranium on the headrest and closed his eyes.
“When you wake up, I need you to vacuum the couch for me. The cat’s hair is all over it.”
He mumbled assent and nodded his head. He had just barely tapped the world of sleep when . . .
He heard quite laughter from the other recliner to his right. “Look at this picture.” His wife shows him a picture on her Facebook. He nods, tries to go to sleep again.
Semi-sleep again. The voice, “Do I have any appointments this week?”
“I don’t know,” the man mumbles, slightly roused, slipping back into unrestful sleep.
He actually gets to nap perhaps an hour, every minute more restful, then the voice. “Do you think it’s hot in here?” He vociferously shakes his head, then feels the draft from the ceiling fan, just enough to invade the edge of his restful state.
Again, broadening the invasion into his rest, the voice to his left says, “Did you feed the cat?”
By now, completely annoyed, the man rises, and says, “No, but let me feed the beast. Come here, kitty.”
As he walks, cat in tow, to get the cat’s food, he speaks to the cat. “I think it’d kill that woman for me to get a little rest. I leaned back with nothing to do and woke up with a list a mile long.” The grumbling continued until he got back into earshot of his wife.
Going back to the recliner, the man said, “Listen while I read you the instructions on how to prep for this procedure.” The man reads the directions and describes to his wife how to carry them out.
“Now, let me check my calendar to see if you have any appointments.” He writes them down for her on back of an old envelope.
Then he says, “Do you want me to vacuum the couch now?”
“I’ve lost the attachment. Just go back to sleep.”
Great idea. Not horribly long afterward, just as sleep was once again about to return: “I found the attachment.”
He gets up and proceeds to vacuum. Then, “Here. Let me show you how to do it.” The wife vacuums about half the couch as the man watches. She then says, “Here you go.”
Was the man grateful that his wife actually vacuumed half the couch? No, he was quite disgruntled that the wife didn’t finish the whole thing, as she was so able to complete the first part. The man thinks as he wrestles with both the vacuum cleaner and the couch, “There’s a lot to be said about the (un)holy BONDS of matrimony.”
Sarcastically, the man asks, “Is there anything else I can do for you, darling?”
The wife smilingly replies, “You could vacuum the cat’s hair off the rug for me if you want to.”
“Of course I want to!” thought the man to himself. The man grudgingly vacuums the half of the rug not covered by clutter. Now fully awake, the man announces he is going to his “man cave”.
“I don’t know why you think you have to go out there every night. Can’t you spend some time here with me? You don’t even like to be around me,” she nagged.
The man told his wife exactly what he thought of her as he walked to his man cave, that is, once he was out of her earshot.
Consider this quote from the Bible:

9How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard?
when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?
10Yet a little sleep, a little slumber,
A little folding of the hands to sleep:
11So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth;
And thy want as an armed man.
--Proverbs 6:9-11 (KJV)

Interestingly, verses 10-11 are repeated in Proverbs 24: 33-34. Is it possible that God is siding with the wife in this situation? God forbid! (Purportedly, this phrase occurs some 24 times in KJV, nine in the Old Testament, the rest in the New Testament, Source https://d3hgrlq6yacptf.cloudfront.net/5f4766d57c3ad/content/pages/docum… Retrieved May 8, 2024.)

ANSWER TO QUESTION OF THE WEEK # 14
What is the seafood store owner’s biggest character flaw? He sells fish, and that makes him SELFISH.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK # 15
If FedEx and its competitor UPS merged into one company, what would the new company be named? (See next week’s article in historicunioncounty.com for the answer.)

EMAIL HUMOR

Struggling to get your wife’s attention? Just sit down and look comfortable.

Dave lost his wife's audiobook, and now he'll never hear the end of it.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.