And the LORD’S anger was kindled against Israel,
and he made them wander in the wilderness forty years,
until all the generation, that had done evil in the sight of the LORD,
was consumed.
--Numbers 32:13 KJV
One of the results of being born to older parents is the possibility of having nieces and nephews older than you. When I was a young adolescent, I was visiting relatives in Knoxville. My older nephew Keith Mincey from Cincinnati was visiting, and it fell his lot to drive me back home, as he was going to visit his grandparents in Hogskin Valley, just a few miles past my house.
It amazed me how Keith seemed to know his way around Knoxville so well, particularly as he was raised in Ohio. Keith’s cousin Johnny Foulks, who was also my older nephew, was riding along. Possibly Johnny was giving Keith directions. It would have been hard for me to tell. Keith had a car that had a very small back seat (I think a Camaro), and I was squeezed into it, as I was sitting on the passenger side behind Johnny, who had long legs. His seat was pushed back probably as far as it would go.
The origin of the phrase “Go West, young man” is attributed to Horace Greely in the 1800s. If Mr. Greely had been talking to me, the location of the western part of our great country might well have been on another planet.
I have always been directionally challenged. This, combined with the fact that I could see practically nothing from being wedged into the back seat, ensured that I had no clue as to our actual location.
Keith asked a few minutes into the ride, “Ronnie, do you know where you are?” I replied, “I sure do.” He asked, “Where are you?” I quickly answered, “Right here.”
Keith thought that was hilarious, and he remembered the incident often in the years to follow.
I was not always oblivious to my location and how to get there. I was with Keith’s dad, my wonderful brother Fred, and his family on an occasion when we were trying to get to our sister Marie’s house. Fred kept wandering around, not knowing exactly how to get there.
I kept telling him, “You turn on this road.”
Fred ignored me.
I’m not sure exactly how, but quite a few minutes later he got information that let him know I was right all along. My brother Fred was one of my favorite people on this earth. I loved him dearly, and I know he loved me, but he didn’t give me any credit for having been right all along.
I certainly didn’t tell him, “I told you so!”
It did give me a measure of pride that my wonderful niece Sheila (Fred’s daughter, who was actually younger than me) was impressed and gave me full credit for knowing what I was talking about.
When I started driving, I knew only one way to get everywhere I went. It always seemed to be the longest way. I was amazed when a girl I was dating showed me how to get to East Towne Mall via Tazewell Pike without having to get on the interstate.
Initially, I learned how to get about through experience derived from trial and error. There seemed to be a lot more error than trial! It would be fascinating for me to know how many miles I have wandered and how many gallons of gasoline I’ve used while driving around lost.
I blame my lack of direction on being left-handed. If all left-handed people are like me, given a choice of right or left, at least 90 percent of the time I choose the wrong direction.
I once ate with some friends in Maryville. I’d say I met them there, but I probably followed them there, or I’d never have found them. After dinner, they left the parking lot before I did.
I chose to go left out of the parking lot and somehow wound up going through Townsend. About two hours later I managed to get back to where I needed to be. Those friends never believed that I didn’t shaft them for more pleasurable pursuits.
Perhaps they likened themselves to Moses and me to the rebellious children of Israel, doomed to wander in the wilderness for 40 years because of their sinful, rebellious nature.
But if so, God sent deliverance in the form of MapQuest. Oh, joy, rapture! Now I could get printed directions to practically anywhere. This helped, but did not altogether alleviate my directional problem. It’s hard for a one-track-minded person like me to read and drive at the same time.
Then in later years that woman I married bought me a Garmin for Christmas. That proved to be one of the most useful gifts I ever received. The only problem with the Garmin was that the device had to occasionally be updated, and I tended to never think of that until I was on the road and had failed to do so.
Now, modern technology has provided me with a cellular phone that grants me access to Google Chrome. By linking this wonderful phone to my car, I can get directions to anywhere it is possible to drive. Even better, the map will display on both the phone and the car’s view screen.
I like it best when the “woman inside the phone” talks to me, telling me what action to take at least three times before the next turn. “The woman in the phone” is the only woman I delight in telling me what to do, especially since I can call her up and shut her down at will. Too bad Lavern couldn’t have done that with Ida Lee!
Dear Reader, here are some thoughts for your further edification from emails I have received. Peace and blessings be yours until we meet again on the printed page.
I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time!
(At least it’s not directionally challenged.)
How does Moses make his tea?
(Hebrews it.)
War does not determine who is right—only who is left.
Answer to Question of the Week # 5
What does a bullfighter try to be? Avoidable.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK # 6
What do you call workers who put together kitchen cabinets? (See next week’s article for the answer.)