Several years ago I was charged with publishing the newsletter for the Union County Education Association. One of the first tasks was to determine a title. A good teacher colleague of mine suggested Can We Talk? for the newsletter’s name. I did not think much of the suggestion, but I had no better idea, so I went with it. Little did I know that phrase was something of an American iconic statement. A Google search will inform that there is a song by that name (recorded by American R & B singer Tevin Campbell), and comedian Joan Rivers used it as a catchphrase.
I received an email which included this thought: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” According to my wife, this occurs when I say something that “opens the door”. Some never seem to learn that just because a door is open the room doesn’t have to be entered. Sometimes I walk right in (where angels often fear to tread)—sometimes I’m the only one who enjoys the visit!
The longer I live, the more I understand that life is about relationships of many kinds—personal, intimate, social, professional—with family, friends, acquaintances, and random strangers encountered on many days. Conversation is crucial in developing relationships, healthy or otherwise. What is the best way to use conversation to develop healthy relationships?
In many cases, it is wise to think quickly and speak slowly. It is never amiss to hesitate use a little time to think before speaking. This can be difficult, especially in moments of heated passion or anger, when someone walks through an open door. A good prayer for such a time would be, “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. Amen.”
The Scriptures state that “. . . a little child shall lead them” (Isaiah 11:6 KJV). Children often have a version of wisdom, innocent and untarnished by the world. Someone once asked young children questions about relationships. Many responses touched on the fine art of conversation as seen by the younger generation. One eight-year-old girl was asked what most people did on a date. She said, “Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” A ten-year-old boy answered the same question, “On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”
Of particular interest are certain of the elderly. Because of advanced age, some of us senior citizens perhaps unduly pride ourselves on having an abundance of wisdom which needs to be expressed to the rest of the unenlightened world (which many times includes everyone other than ourselves). Some forget, if we ever knew, the fine art of tactfulness. Perhaps disappointment or low self-esteem has caused us become callous and abrasive in expressing thoughts to others. It is most wise for us to be taught at a young age, and strive to hone the memory as we grow older, that “a person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” Sadly, some have practically amputated themselves before they realize they are wounded.
By its very definition, conversation is a two-way street. Effective conversational skills require a measure of common sense, a trait someone described as “. . . not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”
Sometimes conversation is just not possible. There can always be found among all ages those who cannot stop to listen. Some have no more access to listening to others speak than does a frog to reading poetry. Have you ever talked to (or been talked to by) such a person? Maybe these people are not insensitive, crude, or just plain rude. Perhaps they don’t mean to interrupt people—they just randomly remember things and get excited. Regardless, the interrupter often comes across in a bad light, and appearing bright until heard to speak.
Nowhere is this more prevalent than in political discussions. One person questioned: “Are we living in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended?” How sinister! Sounds like a government plot for sure! Is this what Louisiana State Senator John Kennedy referenced when he stated, “That’s why the aliens won’t talk to us”? Senator Kennedy once said of a political foe, “She has a billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!”
Dear Reader, I fully admit I’ve borrowed heavily from several thoughts transmitted to me via email for the inspiration for these few words. Feel free to disagree with me, for light travels faster than sound, blood is thicker than pickle juice, and sometimes if we agreed, we’d both be wrong.
Thank you once again for reading. May your life be otherwise enriched by pleasant conversation until we once again meet via the printed word.